My husband’s grandfather passed away several years ago, but that man was one huge character! He was a big tease and when Chad and I were dating, he was relentless! Every time we visited Chad’s grandparents I knew the question was coming:
“What IS luuvvvv?”
He drew out the word love, almost adding a little southern drawl to it…and then looked us point blank in the eye. Waiting. Waiting, apparently, for our brilliant answer. Which we never quite had.
It's not that I didn’t know it, at least in part back then. It’s just that I couldn’t quite articulate it at age 17 as Pete (as we called him) was sitting still as a statue, boring a hole in me with his stare, smiling broadly, eyes dancing, full of fire and mischief that you wouldn’t expect from someone Pete’s age.
But after dating Chad for 6 years and being married to him for 16 and a half more, I think it is time to formally answer that question.
So Pete, here goes… “What IS luuvv?”…
Love is how Chad starts my car in the morning so it will be warm.
Love is calling me from Target to see if I want the maxi’s with or without wings. I mean, seriously…that is love!
Love is eating what I cook, no matter how interesting it is.
Love is trying to understand each other’s sensitivities…and trying to avoid saying things that will twist the knife in the heart.
Love is giving each other space when needed.
Love is being together when desired.
And love is knowing the difference.
Love is supporting each other’s dreams without judgment.
Love is believing in each other’s goals and ideas, and not thinking they’re crazy… no matter how crazy!
Love is comforting me when I am having a melt down about piles of laundry and piles of mail and piles of dog hair…all on a “fat day”.
Love is feeling protected, safe, and cared for.
Love is being listened to and understood.
Love is laughing together…
…And sometimes, gently, helping me laugh at myself. Gently.
Love is forgiving and forgetting.
Love is upholding the vow.
Upholding it during the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. Knowing that the vow is so rock solid that you can safely be 100% of who you are…safely pour your heart out.
Love is putting each other first. Even when it’s not easy. When it’s not convenient. When it’s not fun.
Love is being aware when one of us needs the pep-talk, but also knowing when one of us needs to just wallow in it. And holding each other regardless.
Love is accepting each other’s faults.
Love is celebrating each other’s brilliance.
Love is recognizing the uniqueness that we each bring to the relationship.
Love is deciding over and over again to move forward on the path of life together.
Love is being able to trust because he always does what he says and says what he does.
Love is watching the children that we’ve created together grow.
Love is appreciating each other and not taking each other for granted….ever.
If you think of snippy little comments as small flames, love is how Chad “throws water” on those flames whenever I’m snippy by being nice in return, instead of seeing my snippy-ness and raising me one to fan those flames into a full-blown fire! (That’s one of the biggest secrets to our marriage, I think! We are masters at defusing.)
And love is knowing that out of everyone on earth…all these years later…I still choose him because of the man that he is.
I still choose him.
And I thank God for that love.
Question: How would you answer Pete’s question, “What IS luuvv?”
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Fear
I have noticed lately that a lot of people seem to be running with fear.
Fear about the economy. Fear about their jobs. Fear about their bank accounts, their children’s choices, their relationships…
Even the weather (while it is a snowy, cold mess) seems to strike more fear in people’s hearts than it normally would due to people’s heightened emotions.
There is a blanket of fear covering this world like a dark and heavy mass. And that fear seems to be penetrating into the very core of people’s lives. It’s a fear that is occupying their thoughts and holding them back from even the simplest activities and commitments.
And I have a feeling that God is sad about it.
Yes, there is certainly some roughness in the world right now. But if we give into it, then we lose. God loses.
However, if we stand up in faith, we win and God wins.
I invite you to step out in faith with me…just for a minute…and dream of a world without fear.
Might it look like this?
If I have no fear about my own financial situation, trusting God to provide, then I will dig into my pockets and give to my fellow hurting man.
If I have no fear about the economy, believing that God has it all under control, I will go ahead and buy what it is that I can afford and continue to stimulate the economy in my own small way.
If I have no fear about my own gifts and talents, trusting God to bless me as I use what He has given me, then I might find that now is the perfect time to try something new that I’ve always wanted to do (start a new business, sell my craft items, write that book I’ve always dreamed of, start a not-for-profit that really works hard to serve others).
If I have no fear in my relationships, I will listen to God as He nudges me and I will act on those urges to encourage and uplift someone else that I sense is hurting.
If I have no fear, always trusting that God is leading me, I will follow the tug of God. I will listen to God and answer back with the action that He hopes for. I will be open to stepping onto the path that He has laid for me. I will search out His will and follow it. I will not need to be afraid because I will know that He is carrying me, holding me, wrapped around me…sometimes with a light touch, and sometimes with a tight bear-hug-of-a-squeeze, but always there waiting for me and with me. Always.
God doesn’t want us to be afraid. He doesn’t want us to back away or to back down from the path that He is pushing us toward simply because we are scared. He wants us to take the risk and to trust Him through it.
Isaiah 43:1-3
But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
Consider your God-given purpose…do you know what it is? If not, I challenge you to really spend some time reflecting deeply about it in prayer. God has gifted you so that there is something specific that only you can do.
It could be something completely enormous and world-changing in one split second. Or it could be something more like mine: something simpler, recurring, not nearly as earth-shaking on the surface, but equally important.
But what if, because of all of the fear in the world right now, you start to buy in to being scared and you fail to live out that purpose.
You are letting yourself down.
More importantly, though, you are letting your God down.
What is standing in the way of you starting to live out your purpose right here, right now? What is holding you back?
Is it fear? Don't let fear hold you back! (Or busyness, or complacency, or doubt.)
When you run toward fear, what are you running from?
Helping others? Giving to church and charity? Using your talents, gifts, creativity? Lifting your voice? Living the dream that God placed in your heart? Living out the purpose that you were created for? Wow...What does that say to God?
Think about it....then decide that on your last day on this earth you won't say,
"I let fear get in the way of all I could have done and all I could have been".
Your greater purpose is waiting on you to stop being afraid!
Question: Are you living out your God-given purpose? Are you afraid? Of what? Why?
Fear about the economy. Fear about their jobs. Fear about their bank accounts, their children’s choices, their relationships…
Even the weather (while it is a snowy, cold mess) seems to strike more fear in people’s hearts than it normally would due to people’s heightened emotions.
There is a blanket of fear covering this world like a dark and heavy mass. And that fear seems to be penetrating into the very core of people’s lives. It’s a fear that is occupying their thoughts and holding them back from even the simplest activities and commitments.
And I have a feeling that God is sad about it.
Yes, there is certainly some roughness in the world right now. But if we give into it, then we lose. God loses.
However, if we stand up in faith, we win and God wins.
I invite you to step out in faith with me…just for a minute…and dream of a world without fear.
Might it look like this?
If I have no fear about my own financial situation, trusting God to provide, then I will dig into my pockets and give to my fellow hurting man.
If I have no fear about the economy, believing that God has it all under control, I will go ahead and buy what it is that I can afford and continue to stimulate the economy in my own small way.
If I have no fear about my own gifts and talents, trusting God to bless me as I use what He has given me, then I might find that now is the perfect time to try something new that I’ve always wanted to do (start a new business, sell my craft items, write that book I’ve always dreamed of, start a not-for-profit that really works hard to serve others).
If I have no fear in my relationships, I will listen to God as He nudges me and I will act on those urges to encourage and uplift someone else that I sense is hurting.
If I have no fear, always trusting that God is leading me, I will follow the tug of God. I will listen to God and answer back with the action that He hopes for. I will be open to stepping onto the path that He has laid for me. I will search out His will and follow it. I will not need to be afraid because I will know that He is carrying me, holding me, wrapped around me…sometimes with a light touch, and sometimes with a tight bear-hug-of-a-squeeze, but always there waiting for me and with me. Always.
God doesn’t want us to be afraid. He doesn’t want us to back away or to back down from the path that He is pushing us toward simply because we are scared. He wants us to take the risk and to trust Him through it.
Isaiah 43:1-3
But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
Consider your God-given purpose…do you know what it is? If not, I challenge you to really spend some time reflecting deeply about it in prayer. God has gifted you so that there is something specific that only you can do.
It could be something completely enormous and world-changing in one split second. Or it could be something more like mine: something simpler, recurring, not nearly as earth-shaking on the surface, but equally important.
But what if, because of all of the fear in the world right now, you start to buy in to being scared and you fail to live out that purpose.
You are letting yourself down.
More importantly, though, you are letting your God down.
What is standing in the way of you starting to live out your purpose right here, right now? What is holding you back?
Is it fear? Don't let fear hold you back! (Or busyness, or complacency, or doubt.)
When you run toward fear, what are you running from?
Helping others? Giving to church and charity? Using your talents, gifts, creativity? Lifting your voice? Living the dream that God placed in your heart? Living out the purpose that you were created for? Wow...What does that say to God?
Think about it....then decide that on your last day on this earth you won't say,
"I let fear get in the way of all I could have done and all I could have been".
Your greater purpose is waiting on you to stop being afraid!
Question: Are you living out your God-given purpose? Are you afraid? Of what? Why?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Salmon
Oh, how I love salmon. All grilled and seasoned, perfectly flaky inside with crispy edges. Served on a bed of rice with a slice of lemon. Prepared by some God-inspired chef, like Keltie. In fact, salmon is my third favorite food, right after cookie dough and crab legs. Oh, those three…like the holy trinity of dining! And when I eat salmon, I feel all healthy…you know, Omega 3’s and Vitamin D…good for the heart!
Salmon are fascinating creatures. They migrate, go away from home to “grow up”, then return to have their babies…coming home, in a way, like a prodigal son. They are adaptable to freshwater and saltwater, spending parts of their lives in both. 137 species of animals depend on salmon for food. Everything from wolves to bears prey on them.
Sometimes I feel like a salmon…
…A salmon swimming upstream, going against the current. Trying to stay all pure (not like the farmed salmon that aren’t so good for you to eat). Feeling like I’m getting preyed upon by a ferocious world. Hoping that I "feed" others with something that's good. Trying to be all bright and beautiful in a sea of grey and pessimism.
Today I was having trouble being where I wanted to be mentally. That’s not a problem I usually have because in “Alyssa Land” things are usually all rosy (or salmon-colored!), and good.
But today, not so much.
Maybe it’s that I haven’t really seen the sun for weeks. Maybe it’s that I need to deep-clean my house & I just don’t wanna. Maybe it’s those darn “holiday pounds” that I can’t shake (the cookies seemed worth it at the time). Maybe it’s that winter gray just isn’t my color. Or maybe it’s that lately I’ve had an extra dose of “these people just don’t get me”.
Whatever the reason I am fully in my January Funk.
It happens every year…39 years in a row now, so I shouldn’t be surprised. But on top of the January Funk, today I felt a little misunderstood. And as I looked around, I said to myself, “I feel like a salmon swimming up-stream!” Then I had to chuckle to myself… Of course I feel like that!
Maybe God even wants me to feel that way: constantly going against the current. Constantly feeling not-of-this-world, like I don’t belong. While I try to be adaptable, like a good salmon would be, I frequently feel misplaced…like I have migrated away into unknown waters, fighting to be a little piece of God’s light in a world so far away from Him that I’m not surely if he’s still recognizable.
In a strange way I think God calls us to be salmon, though it is hard to be constantly swimming against the current of a world running from Him, a world running to the things of popular culture and celebrity gossip and scandal. Sometimes that feels really lonely.
I think He calls us to be pure, like a salmon born and bred in God-made oceans and streams…away from the contamination of a salmon farm. Sometimes that feels really hard.
I think He calls us to swim fast, trying at every turn to escape the earthly things that prey on us. To navigate those hard moments by the instincts that He placed in us, to act on what we always knew was the right thing anyway. Sometimes that is really isolating.
But doing the things that make us feel lonely, that are hard, that isolate us from popular culture are sacrifices that are pleasing to God. Sacrifices made in His name bring joy to the very heart of God.
He wants us to be the salmon, and the only influences that pierce our hearts, His.
Romans 12:1-3: Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
My prayer for you, and for myself, is that we will continue to swim upstream, no matter how hard, in an attempt to please our Father in Heaven.
My prayer is that we will all find ourselves navigating this life with other believers, so that the lonely and isolated moments feel few and far between.
And my prayer is that we will never look at another plate of salmon in quite the same way, but that we’ll use it as a reminder that we need to forever nourish the body, mind, and soul with good things, pure things, healthful things, things that prepare us for an eternity in heaven.
So keep swimmin’ upstream, girls! I’ll be right there with you!
Question: When was the last time you felt like you were swimming upstream? Why? What was the result?
Salmon are fascinating creatures. They migrate, go away from home to “grow up”, then return to have their babies…coming home, in a way, like a prodigal son. They are adaptable to freshwater and saltwater, spending parts of their lives in both. 137 species of animals depend on salmon for food. Everything from wolves to bears prey on them.
Sometimes I feel like a salmon…
…A salmon swimming upstream, going against the current. Trying to stay all pure (not like the farmed salmon that aren’t so good for you to eat). Feeling like I’m getting preyed upon by a ferocious world. Hoping that I "feed" others with something that's good. Trying to be all bright and beautiful in a sea of grey and pessimism.
Today I was having trouble being where I wanted to be mentally. That’s not a problem I usually have because in “Alyssa Land” things are usually all rosy (or salmon-colored!), and good.
But today, not so much.
Maybe it’s that I haven’t really seen the sun for weeks. Maybe it’s that I need to deep-clean my house & I just don’t wanna. Maybe it’s those darn “holiday pounds” that I can’t shake (the cookies seemed worth it at the time). Maybe it’s that winter gray just isn’t my color. Or maybe it’s that lately I’ve had an extra dose of “these people just don’t get me”.
Whatever the reason I am fully in my January Funk.
It happens every year…39 years in a row now, so I shouldn’t be surprised. But on top of the January Funk, today I felt a little misunderstood. And as I looked around, I said to myself, “I feel like a salmon swimming up-stream!” Then I had to chuckle to myself… Of course I feel like that!
Maybe God even wants me to feel that way: constantly going against the current. Constantly feeling not-of-this-world, like I don’t belong. While I try to be adaptable, like a good salmon would be, I frequently feel misplaced…like I have migrated away into unknown waters, fighting to be a little piece of God’s light in a world so far away from Him that I’m not surely if he’s still recognizable.
In a strange way I think God calls us to be salmon, though it is hard to be constantly swimming against the current of a world running from Him, a world running to the things of popular culture and celebrity gossip and scandal. Sometimes that feels really lonely.
I think He calls us to be pure, like a salmon born and bred in God-made oceans and streams…away from the contamination of a salmon farm. Sometimes that feels really hard.
I think He calls us to swim fast, trying at every turn to escape the earthly things that prey on us. To navigate those hard moments by the instincts that He placed in us, to act on what we always knew was the right thing anyway. Sometimes that is really isolating.
But doing the things that make us feel lonely, that are hard, that isolate us from popular culture are sacrifices that are pleasing to God. Sacrifices made in His name bring joy to the very heart of God.
He wants us to be the salmon, and the only influences that pierce our hearts, His.
Romans 12:1-3: Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
My prayer for you, and for myself, is that we will continue to swim upstream, no matter how hard, in an attempt to please our Father in Heaven.
My prayer is that we will all find ourselves navigating this life with other believers, so that the lonely and isolated moments feel few and far between.
And my prayer is that we will never look at another plate of salmon in quite the same way, but that we’ll use it as a reminder that we need to forever nourish the body, mind, and soul with good things, pure things, healthful things, things that prepare us for an eternity in heaven.
So keep swimmin’ upstream, girls! I’ll be right there with you!
Question: When was the last time you felt like you were swimming upstream? Why? What was the result?
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Good Mom
One day recently we had a snow day. Well, actually it was a “bitter cold, sub-zero temp” day, but you get the idea.
I was psyched! Not only was it a day off of school for the boys, but for me as well. I had a to-do list a mile long and this day was like a freebie…a gift, given in the spoken name of “bitter cold”, but surely it was secretly straight to me from God in the name of “too much to do and not enough time to get it done”!
My list, as I mentioned, was l..oo..nnn…gggg…..
(and, I might add, unrealistic!)
It went something like this:
1. return calls
2. return emails
3. do laundry
4. take down the outside (dead!) greenery
5. straighten house
6. get cards ready to mail
7. organize office
8. go to Target
9. go to Post Office
10. go to grocery
But do you know what? I didn’t do a darn thing on that list that day! Not one last thing!
Instead I slept in (a gift straight from heaven!). And when I did wake up, I dozed off and on for an hour and a half while one of my boys snuggled next to me, playing his DS, and giving his commentary on the news as it aired. See, the boys are getting older and the days of snuggling are fleeting I know. When we finally did get our lazy hineys out of the bed, we lounged in our jammies, made a leisurely breakfast, watched 2 movies on TV, folded laundry (the little bit I could muster the energy to do) while we laughed and basically piddled the day away.
The truth is that I put my list second to my children by conscience choice. I am trying to strike what I consider a happy balance between my children thinking that they (and their dad) are the most important things in my life and realizing that the world does not revolve around them. This is quite a delicate balance to achieve! But now and then I want them to see that I dropped everything just to be with them, enjoying their company, and I hope they will look back on it twenty years from now with really fond memories.
While I do know that time is a gift from God, not to be squandered, I don’t view that that’s what I did on the day in question.
I see it like this: I got nothing done that the world would judge as productive. (Sorry Stephen Covey...no "first things first") In the world’s view maybe I didn’t spend my time well, but I know that I did invest my time well. And I invested it with such a high rate of return that it would send Wall Street guys runnin’! (So maybe it was "first things first" after all!)
So while I can cross nothing off of my list that was an errand or a household chore, I think I’ll add: #11. Good Mom… just so I can cross it off!
1. return calls
2. return emails
3. do laundry
4. take down the outside (dead!) greenery
5. straighten house
6. get cards ready to mail
7. organize office
8. go to Target
9. go to Post Office
10.go to grocery
11. be a good mom
Question: When have you dropped everything for the sake of your kids? How did it make you, and them, feel?
I was psyched! Not only was it a day off of school for the boys, but for me as well. I had a to-do list a mile long and this day was like a freebie…a gift, given in the spoken name of “bitter cold”, but surely it was secretly straight to me from God in the name of “too much to do and not enough time to get it done”!
My list, as I mentioned, was l..oo..nnn…gggg…..
(and, I might add, unrealistic!)
It went something like this:
1. return calls
2. return emails
3. do laundry
4. take down the outside (dead!) greenery
5. straighten house
6. get cards ready to mail
7. organize office
8. go to Target
9. go to Post Office
10. go to grocery
But do you know what? I didn’t do a darn thing on that list that day! Not one last thing!
Instead I slept in (a gift straight from heaven!). And when I did wake up, I dozed off and on for an hour and a half while one of my boys snuggled next to me, playing his DS, and giving his commentary on the news as it aired. See, the boys are getting older and the days of snuggling are fleeting I know. When we finally did get our lazy hineys out of the bed, we lounged in our jammies, made a leisurely breakfast, watched 2 movies on TV, folded laundry (the little bit I could muster the energy to do) while we laughed and basically piddled the day away.
The truth is that I put my list second to my children by conscience choice. I am trying to strike what I consider a happy balance between my children thinking that they (and their dad) are the most important things in my life and realizing that the world does not revolve around them. This is quite a delicate balance to achieve! But now and then I want them to see that I dropped everything just to be with them, enjoying their company, and I hope they will look back on it twenty years from now with really fond memories.
While I do know that time is a gift from God, not to be squandered, I don’t view that that’s what I did on the day in question.
I see it like this: I got nothing done that the world would judge as productive. (Sorry Stephen Covey...no "first things first") In the world’s view maybe I didn’t spend my time well, but I know that I did invest my time well. And I invested it with such a high rate of return that it would send Wall Street guys runnin’! (So maybe it was "first things first" after all!)
So while I can cross nothing off of my list that was an errand or a household chore, I think I’ll add: #11. Good Mom… just so I can cross it off!
1. return calls
2. return emails
3. do laundry
4. take down the outside (dead!) greenery
5. straighten house
6. get cards ready to mail
7. organize office
8. go to Target
9. go to Post Office
10.go to grocery
11. be a good mom
Question: When have you dropped everything for the sake of your kids? How did it make you, and them, feel?
Sunday, January 18, 2009
When Your Best is Total Crap
Let me begin by saying I am sorry for using the word crap. I rarely, rarely cuss…though I would be a big fat liar if I said I had never let one slip as I slammed on the brakes, hard, in heavy traffic on 465! But I do use those “in-between words” like “crap” because sometimes they are just the right way to describe something that no other word (crud, stink, etc.) quite does. So sorry if it offends, but not sorry enough to find another word! You will just have to suffer through in the name of literary art! (Please do pick up on the sarcasm.)
That said, let’s get to the heart of this blog entry: sometimes my best is total crap!
I despise mediocrity. It is my antithesis. It goes against everything I stand for. I think if you are not going to give your very best, forget it. Too many people make empty, half-hearted promises; they give no effort, have no perseverance, and have no follow-through. Of that I am not a fan! I say, show up and show up big…
In fact, our family motto is “Go big or go home”. For us it means that in everything you do, give it your all, do it all the way, 100% effort, under-promise and over-deliver every time. This doesn’t mean that we have to be perfect, but that we TRY, in all things, to give the very best that we have.
However, sometimes it backfires, blows up, falls apart, and in true “Go big or go home” style, when it does it backfires big!
Sometimes my best, all I have to give, is awe-inspiring; something I know is beyond my own ability, something really great, something truly lifted by the hand of God.
And sometimes, my best…the best I’ve got, the very best I can do, is utter, complete, total and 100% crap!
I tell you this so that I can tell the “world” (aka the 2 people who read this blog), that even when things turn out yucky, I still tried...really hard.
I tell you this so that when my children are grown and might look back on this, they would know that so many times I meant to do better than I actually did.
And I tell you this so that when your best completely falls apart, you will release the guilt, the expectations, the whatever-it-is-that-you-made-it-into, and know that your trying still counts (and that I would give you an A+ for effort!).
This “crap” thing happens to me all the time. It really makes me wonder what kind of mess I would be in if I didn’t despise mediocrity! Can you even imagine? Yikes!
It happens when I try to cook after too many sports-filled nights of having dinner wrapped in paper and handed through a window. The dinner I cook doesn’t “suit” my boys’ tastes, it doesn’t look good to me, Hubby wants to like it…he really tries. This happens all the time. Recently the first-born of the twins said, “Mom, maybe you should just give up cooking and we should eat at Wendy’s every night.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
In my business I strive to provide outstanding customer service, but sometimes…more often than I would like to admit…I make mistakes. I always “right” the “wrongs”…always. But with that comes, every time, a price of money or time or both. There is always an “expense” to me in fixing it, but it is the right thing to do and how I would want to be treated.
Sometimes at school I plan some wonderful thing, and while it turns out to still be valuable for teaching the concept, it’s nothing like how the movie played out in my mind.
Many times I unintentionally let people down, which is in my list of Top 5 Things I Never Want to Do to People. Sometimes it is due to circumstances beyond my control, like the other day when a snowball (literally, kind of!) effect caused me to be unable to keep a commitment to a friend. Sometimes it is my own doing…not because I wanted to, but because I over-committed, I didn’t think through the calendar, or I just plain (as horrifying as it is) forgot!
The point is, I mean to give 100% every stinkin’ time…yet over and over my very best attempts register as more like 4%.
I guess the lesson is that no matter how hard we try, there are times when we all will:
let people down
be misunderstood
do things wrong
make mistakes
mess up royally
not be heard
make someone mad
hurt someone’s feelings, and more…
…and all of it when we were trying to do the right thing!
Romans 9:15-17: For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."
See, the “crap” reminds me that I can’t do anything without God. I can’t make anything work without Him, and I know it, but He is glad to remind me and I don’t want to forget.
God turns the crap into roses...like Crystal Lewis sings about in Beauty for Ashes. He takes what we mess up daily and makes it beautiful again. And the daily stuff of life is the constant reminder to us that we are supposed to lean on Him. Jesus wants us to lie at His feet asking for our ashes to be made beautiful. He wants us to need Him over and over and over again.
Galatians 3:3 Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?
Job 36:19 Would your wealth or even all your mighty efforts sustain you so you would not be in distress?
May we all find miraculous, unyielding glory in our biggest mistakes, our grandest failures, our most severe disappointments. May God teach us humility and reliance on Him. And most importantly, may we relish in the times that things do go the way we plan and give God the credit for each and every little thing that goes right in our lives and in the world.
Question: When have you tried to give your best, but it all fell apart? What was the lesson for you in that moment?
That said, let’s get to the heart of this blog entry: sometimes my best is total crap!
I despise mediocrity. It is my antithesis. It goes against everything I stand for. I think if you are not going to give your very best, forget it. Too many people make empty, half-hearted promises; they give no effort, have no perseverance, and have no follow-through. Of that I am not a fan! I say, show up and show up big…
In fact, our family motto is “Go big or go home”. For us it means that in everything you do, give it your all, do it all the way, 100% effort, under-promise and over-deliver every time. This doesn’t mean that we have to be perfect, but that we TRY, in all things, to give the very best that we have.
However, sometimes it backfires, blows up, falls apart, and in true “Go big or go home” style, when it does it backfires big!
Sometimes my best, all I have to give, is awe-inspiring; something I know is beyond my own ability, something really great, something truly lifted by the hand of God.
And sometimes, my best…the best I’ve got, the very best I can do, is utter, complete, total and 100% crap!
I tell you this so that I can tell the “world” (aka the 2 people who read this blog), that even when things turn out yucky, I still tried...really hard.
I tell you this so that when my children are grown and might look back on this, they would know that so many times I meant to do better than I actually did.
And I tell you this so that when your best completely falls apart, you will release the guilt, the expectations, the whatever-it-is-that-you-made-it-into, and know that your trying still counts (and that I would give you an A+ for effort!).
This “crap” thing happens to me all the time. It really makes me wonder what kind of mess I would be in if I didn’t despise mediocrity! Can you even imagine? Yikes!
It happens when I try to cook after too many sports-filled nights of having dinner wrapped in paper and handed through a window. The dinner I cook doesn’t “suit” my boys’ tastes, it doesn’t look good to me, Hubby wants to like it…he really tries. This happens all the time. Recently the first-born of the twins said, “Mom, maybe you should just give up cooking and we should eat at Wendy’s every night.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
In my business I strive to provide outstanding customer service, but sometimes…more often than I would like to admit…I make mistakes. I always “right” the “wrongs”…always. But with that comes, every time, a price of money or time or both. There is always an “expense” to me in fixing it, but it is the right thing to do and how I would want to be treated.
Sometimes at school I plan some wonderful thing, and while it turns out to still be valuable for teaching the concept, it’s nothing like how the movie played out in my mind.
Many times I unintentionally let people down, which is in my list of Top 5 Things I Never Want to Do to People. Sometimes it is due to circumstances beyond my control, like the other day when a snowball (literally, kind of!) effect caused me to be unable to keep a commitment to a friend. Sometimes it is my own doing…not because I wanted to, but because I over-committed, I didn’t think through the calendar, or I just plain (as horrifying as it is) forgot!
The point is, I mean to give 100% every stinkin’ time…yet over and over my very best attempts register as more like 4%.
I guess the lesson is that no matter how hard we try, there are times when we all will:
let people down
be misunderstood
do things wrong
make mistakes
mess up royally
not be heard
make someone mad
hurt someone’s feelings, and more…
…and all of it when we were trying to do the right thing!
Romans 9:15-17: For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."
See, the “crap” reminds me that I can’t do anything without God. I can’t make anything work without Him, and I know it, but He is glad to remind me and I don’t want to forget.
God turns the crap into roses...like Crystal Lewis sings about in Beauty for Ashes. He takes what we mess up daily and makes it beautiful again. And the daily stuff of life is the constant reminder to us that we are supposed to lean on Him. Jesus wants us to lie at His feet asking for our ashes to be made beautiful. He wants us to need Him over and over and over again.
Galatians 3:3 Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?
Job 36:19 Would your wealth or even all your mighty efforts sustain you so you would not be in distress?
May we all find miraculous, unyielding glory in our biggest mistakes, our grandest failures, our most severe disappointments. May God teach us humility and reliance on Him. And most importantly, may we relish in the times that things do go the way we plan and give God the credit for each and every little thing that goes right in our lives and in the world.
Question: When have you tried to give your best, but it all fell apart? What was the lesson for you in that moment?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The All-important 1st Runner-Up
I have a confession to make.
I have been in pageants.
OK…I said it!
I was not in them for the “glamour” (glamour being a relative term), but for the scholarship money. So my focus really was on pageants such as Junior Miss and those that were the preliminaries to Miss America (Miss Elwood, Miss Ball State…hoping to get to Miss Indiana), which had great scholarship pay-outs as prizes.
Some of the “merits” of the pageant circuit, besides the blingy crown (….and don’t you go rolling your eyes…you know you always wanted one…just put the moose on the table, girlfriend!) were friendship, panel interviewing skills, poise, & talent development.
But wait…
There’s more!
The untold merits of the pageant circuit:
Nasty girl-fights (entertainment for those of us who find that kind of behavior utterly ridiculous!), cans of Aqua Net for solidifying the big hair (it was the late 80’s/early 90’s, after all), working with a Pageant Coach, a box of gleaming trophies that you've moved from house to house in adulthood...secretly considering an Oscar-like display on the mantle, dyed-to-match 3-inch heals to go with your one-piece, and spray adhesive to glue the buns of your one-piece down.
I learned some very important lessons from pageant participation.
However, I never was “The Queen”.
I was the all-important first-runner up in the event that the Queen could not fulfill her duties…
…except that never once was she not able to fulfill her duties.
(No pageant queen in history has ever not been able to fulfill her duties, I think. Well, except for Vanessa Williams, but let’s not go there!)
Interestingly, this has kind of been a theme throughout my life, this first-runner up thing.
Over and over I have had instances where I was good, but not good enough. Talented but not talented enough, funny but not funny enough, smart but not smart enough. I can think of countless examples, and many times that I was “just” passed over. For years it almost plagued me. Even today there is month after month where I am a high achiever, but not high enough.
After years of feeling like I am good at lots of things, but not the best at anything I was highly frustrated. Then one day it dawned on me and the first part of that sentence stuck and the last part kind of just faded away.
I am good at lots of things.
No, I am not “the best” at anything. I can think of tons of people that are better at every single aspect of life and all that is in it than I am…how humbling. But God, for some reason, made me at least decent at lots of stuff…how humbling that is, too…that He would allow me those gifts, even if my gifts seem sometimes much less gifted than the next girl’s.
Ya know what? I am not the 1st Runner-up in my husband’s eyes…I am his Queen, stretch marks and all…might not want to be caught dead even in a one-piece though, let alone the dyed-to match heels!
And ya know what else? I am not a 1st Runner-up in God’s eyes. I am His Queen, and so are you. There is room at the throne, His throne, for all of us. He doesn’t have to crown just one of us. There are Crown Jewels enough for all of us, there is Royal Inheritance for all of us. And our reward for following Him? A full-ride to the U of E (University of Eternity)…I’d rather have that kind of “scholarship” anyway!
And so now, so much older and more mature am I, it is OK to not be the Queen in the world’s view because I am the Queen in a way that really matters and so are you.
“Yet what is due me is in the Lord’s hand, and my reward is with my God." Isaiah 49:4
I am a Queen with two kings…my Earthly King, my husband…and my Heavenly King, my God. And I will always have a place of prominence in both of their kingdoms, this is the free gift they both give to me. And God has that free gift to give to you too, if you choose to accept it.
And anyway, my mother was right. She, being ever the spin-doctor, always told me that being a little good at a lot of stuff meant I was well-rounded. I like being well rounded. Besides, being a little good at a lot of stuff means that I can craft my own crown, grow and beautifully arrange my own victory bouquet, design my own gown (though I will have to pay someone else to sew it), write my own song for the talent portion, draw on my knowledge of current events to prep for the interview, do my own hair and make-up, and be nice enough to win Miss Congeniality to boot!
OK, well…gotta run. I heard the downloadable application for the preliminary to Mrs. America is now available on-line…
Question: When in your own life have you felt like the 1st Runner-up, like you just aren’t quite good enough? What has God taught you through that?
I have been in pageants.
OK…I said it!
I was not in them for the “glamour” (glamour being a relative term), but for the scholarship money. So my focus really was on pageants such as Junior Miss and those that were the preliminaries to Miss America (Miss Elwood, Miss Ball State…hoping to get to Miss Indiana), which had great scholarship pay-outs as prizes.
Some of the “merits” of the pageant circuit, besides the blingy crown (….and don’t you go rolling your eyes…you know you always wanted one…just put the moose on the table, girlfriend!) were friendship, panel interviewing skills, poise, & talent development.
But wait…
There’s more!
The untold merits of the pageant circuit:
Nasty girl-fights (entertainment for those of us who find that kind of behavior utterly ridiculous!), cans of Aqua Net for solidifying the big hair (it was the late 80’s/early 90’s, after all), working with a Pageant Coach, a box of gleaming trophies that you've moved from house to house in adulthood...secretly considering an Oscar-like display on the mantle, dyed-to-match 3-inch heals to go with your one-piece, and spray adhesive to glue the buns of your one-piece down.
I learned some very important lessons from pageant participation.
However, I never was “The Queen”.
I was the all-important first-runner up in the event that the Queen could not fulfill her duties…
…except that never once was she not able to fulfill her duties.
(No pageant queen in history has ever not been able to fulfill her duties, I think. Well, except for Vanessa Williams, but let’s not go there!)
Interestingly, this has kind of been a theme throughout my life, this first-runner up thing.
Over and over I have had instances where I was good, but not good enough. Talented but not talented enough, funny but not funny enough, smart but not smart enough. I can think of countless examples, and many times that I was “just” passed over. For years it almost plagued me. Even today there is month after month where I am a high achiever, but not high enough.
After years of feeling like I am good at lots of things, but not the best at anything I was highly frustrated. Then one day it dawned on me and the first part of that sentence stuck and the last part kind of just faded away.
I am good at lots of things.
No, I am not “the best” at anything. I can think of tons of people that are better at every single aspect of life and all that is in it than I am…how humbling. But God, for some reason, made me at least decent at lots of stuff…how humbling that is, too…that He would allow me those gifts, even if my gifts seem sometimes much less gifted than the next girl’s.
Ya know what? I am not the 1st Runner-up in my husband’s eyes…I am his Queen, stretch marks and all…might not want to be caught dead even in a one-piece though, let alone the dyed-to match heels!
And ya know what else? I am not a 1st Runner-up in God’s eyes. I am His Queen, and so are you. There is room at the throne, His throne, for all of us. He doesn’t have to crown just one of us. There are Crown Jewels enough for all of us, there is Royal Inheritance for all of us. And our reward for following Him? A full-ride to the U of E (University of Eternity)…I’d rather have that kind of “scholarship” anyway!
And so now, so much older and more mature am I, it is OK to not be the Queen in the world’s view because I am the Queen in a way that really matters and so are you.
“Yet what is due me is in the Lord’s hand, and my reward is with my God." Isaiah 49:4
I am a Queen with two kings…my Earthly King, my husband…and my Heavenly King, my God. And I will always have a place of prominence in both of their kingdoms, this is the free gift they both give to me. And God has that free gift to give to you too, if you choose to accept it.
And anyway, my mother was right. She, being ever the spin-doctor, always told me that being a little good at a lot of stuff meant I was well-rounded. I like being well rounded. Besides, being a little good at a lot of stuff means that I can craft my own crown, grow and beautifully arrange my own victory bouquet, design my own gown (though I will have to pay someone else to sew it), write my own song for the talent portion, draw on my knowledge of current events to prep for the interview, do my own hair and make-up, and be nice enough to win Miss Congeniality to boot!
OK, well…gotta run. I heard the downloadable application for the preliminary to Mrs. America is now available on-line…
Question: When in your own life have you felt like the 1st Runner-up, like you just aren’t quite good enough? What has God taught you through that?
Monday, January 5, 2009
I've Had an Epiphany!
I’ve had an epiphany!
And it’s about Epiphany…
People are in an awful big rush to get to Christmas (decorated trees in Target before Halloween!), and people seem in an even bigger hurry to get it over with.
Now, if you’re one of those “in a rush to get it over with” people, please don’t take this the wrong way…just consider it food for thought.
(I’ve always gone against the grain on things, and this is just another example!)
Just like there are seasons in our calendar and seasonal change in nature, there are seasons in the Christian calendar. One of these seasons is Epiphany, and my epiphany about it is that not too many people know what it is, lest they wouldn’t be rushing me to pack up the tree, take down the lights, haul the greenery to the curb & move on!
See, I’ve known all along that I had justification in the Christian calendar for wanting to enjoy it, soak it all in, relish in it…but only now did it occur to me that maybe I was supposed to communicate that to the rest of the world… that it’s OK to still be celebrating Christmas on January the 5th, fully decorated house and all.
Come sit by the manger
Come bathe in the light
Come rest in the Savior
Drink in renewed life
Take a minute, enjoy His birth, unwrap & accept the Gift, snuggle your family, spend some time, just slow down after the pre-December 25th rush…
In fact, that’s exactly what we are supposed to do!
Take time to soak it up, then fill yourself with the light of the newborn King, and share it with all whom you come in contact.
The season of Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas Day.
Christmas begins with Christmas Day on Dec. 25th, but it lasts for 12 days and ends on January 5th. This period of time is known as the 12 days of Christmas, and is sometimes called Christmastide.
(Ahhh…You gettin’ it now? The 12 days of Christmas...My true love gave to me… Could your true love be Christ? What has He given you? What has come to us because of Him? I challenge you to rethink that song: 3 gifts from Magi, 2 humble parents, and a baptism in the Jordon River!)
Epiphany begins on January 6th and is the celebration of the Star of Bethlehem, the Gifts of the Magi, the childhood of Christ, the baptism of Christ, the Manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles. Epiphany lasts from January 6th till the eve of Ash Wednesday, when the season of Lent begins.
So see, Christmas isn’t officially over, at least as far as the Christian calendar goes, until the night of January 5th. (I guess now I really will have to come to grips with the fact that is a done deal until next Advent!)
If your tree is already put away, it’s all good. But if you are like me, and you are just now getting to find the calm and restoration in it, know that you are not alone.
You are completely justified (if you need that sort of thing) in joining me in being THE LAST girl on the block to the take down the tree, unplug the lights, and un-hang the stockings. It is OK to slow down, take time, and go against the grain. And in fact, we should.
I celebrate with you and I encourage you to embrace the manifestation of Christ, to look for your own epiphany in Epiphany, and to carry His light into a world that so desperately needs it.
Question: Are you glad when Christmas is over or are you always sorry to see it end? Why do you think that’s so?
And it’s about Epiphany…
People are in an awful big rush to get to Christmas (decorated trees in Target before Halloween!), and people seem in an even bigger hurry to get it over with.
Now, if you’re one of those “in a rush to get it over with” people, please don’t take this the wrong way…just consider it food for thought.
(I’ve always gone against the grain on things, and this is just another example!)
Just like there are seasons in our calendar and seasonal change in nature, there are seasons in the Christian calendar. One of these seasons is Epiphany, and my epiphany about it is that not too many people know what it is, lest they wouldn’t be rushing me to pack up the tree, take down the lights, haul the greenery to the curb & move on!
See, I’ve known all along that I had justification in the Christian calendar for wanting to enjoy it, soak it all in, relish in it…but only now did it occur to me that maybe I was supposed to communicate that to the rest of the world… that it’s OK to still be celebrating Christmas on January the 5th, fully decorated house and all.
Come sit by the manger
Come bathe in the light
Come rest in the Savior
Drink in renewed life
Take a minute, enjoy His birth, unwrap & accept the Gift, snuggle your family, spend some time, just slow down after the pre-December 25th rush…
In fact, that’s exactly what we are supposed to do!
Take time to soak it up, then fill yourself with the light of the newborn King, and share it with all whom you come in contact.
The season of Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas Day.
Christmas begins with Christmas Day on Dec. 25th, but it lasts for 12 days and ends on January 5th. This period of time is known as the 12 days of Christmas, and is sometimes called Christmastide.
(Ahhh…You gettin’ it now? The 12 days of Christmas...My true love gave to me… Could your true love be Christ? What has He given you? What has come to us because of Him? I challenge you to rethink that song: 3 gifts from Magi, 2 humble parents, and a baptism in the Jordon River!)
Epiphany begins on January 6th and is the celebration of the Star of Bethlehem, the Gifts of the Magi, the childhood of Christ, the baptism of Christ, the Manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles. Epiphany lasts from January 6th till the eve of Ash Wednesday, when the season of Lent begins.
So see, Christmas isn’t officially over, at least as far as the Christian calendar goes, until the night of January 5th. (I guess now I really will have to come to grips with the fact that is a done deal until next Advent!)
If your tree is already put away, it’s all good. But if you are like me, and you are just now getting to find the calm and restoration in it, know that you are not alone.
You are completely justified (if you need that sort of thing) in joining me in being THE LAST girl on the block to the take down the tree, unplug the lights, and un-hang the stockings. It is OK to slow down, take time, and go against the grain. And in fact, we should.
I celebrate with you and I encourage you to embrace the manifestation of Christ, to look for your own epiphany in Epiphany, and to carry His light into a world that so desperately needs it.
Question: Are you glad when Christmas is over or are you always sorry to see it end? Why do you think that’s so?
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