When Your Best is Total Crap

Let me begin by saying I am sorry for using the word crap. I rarely, rarely cuss…though I would be a big fat liar if I said I had never let one slip as I slammed on the brakes, hard, in heavy traffic on 465! But I do use those “in-between words” like “crap” because sometimes they are just the right way to describe something that no other word (crud, stink, etc.) quite does. So sorry if it offends, but not sorry enough to find another word! You will just have to suffer through in the name of literary art! (Please do pick up on the sarcasm.)

That said, let’s get to the heart of this blog entry: sometimes my best is total crap!

I despise mediocrity. It is my antithesis. It goes against everything I stand for. I think if you are not going to give your very best, forget it. Too many people make empty, half-hearted promises; they give no effort, have no perseverance, and have no follow-through. Of that I am not a fan! I say, show up and show up big…

In fact, our family motto is “Go big or go home”. For us it means that in everything you do, give it your all, do it all the way, 100% effort, under-promise and over-deliver every time. This doesn’t mean that we have to be perfect, but that we TRY, in all things, to give the very best that we have.

However, sometimes it backfires, blows up, falls apart, and in true “Go big or go home” style, when it does it backfires big!

Sometimes my best, all I have to give, is awe-inspiring; something I know is beyond my own ability, something really great, something truly lifted by the hand of God.

And sometimes, my best…the best I’ve got, the very best I can do, is utter, complete, total and 100% crap!

I tell you this so that I can tell the “world” (aka the 2 people who read this blog), that even when things turn out yucky, I still tried...really hard.

I tell you this so that when my children are grown and might look back on this, they would know that so many times I meant to do better than I actually did.

And I tell you this so that when your best completely falls apart, you will release the guilt, the expectations, the whatever-it-is-that-you-made-it-into, and know that your trying still counts (and that I would give you an A+ for effort!).

This “crap” thing happens to me all the time. It really makes me wonder what kind of mess I would be in if I didn’t despise mediocrity! Can you even imagine? Yikes!

It happens when I try to cook after too many sports-filled nights of having dinner wrapped in paper and handed through a window. The dinner I cook doesn’t “suit” my boys’ tastes, it doesn’t look good to me, Hubby wants to like it…he really tries. This happens all the time. Recently the first-born of the twins said, “Mom, maybe you should just give up cooking and we should eat at Wendy’s every night.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

In my business I strive to provide outstanding customer service, but sometimes…more often than I would like to admit…I make mistakes. I always “right” the “wrongs”…always. But with that comes, every time, a price of money or time or both. There is always an “expense” to me in fixing it, but it is the right thing to do and how I would want to be treated.

Sometimes at school I plan some wonderful thing, and while it turns out to still be valuable for teaching the concept, it’s nothing like how the movie played out in my mind.

Many times I unintentionally let people down, which is in my list of Top 5 Things I Never Want to Do to People. Sometimes it is due to circumstances beyond my control, like the other day when a snowball (literally, kind of!) effect caused me to be unable to keep a commitment to a friend. Sometimes it is my own doing…not because I wanted to, but because I over-committed, I didn’t think through the calendar, or I just plain (as horrifying as it is) forgot!

The point is, I mean to give 100% every stinkin’ time…yet over and over my very best attempts register as more like 4%.

I guess the lesson is that no matter how hard we try, there are times when we all will:
let people down
be misunderstood
do things wrong
make mistakes
mess up royally
not be heard
make someone mad
hurt someone’s feelings, and more…
…and all of it when we were trying to do the right thing!

Romans 9:15-17: For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."

See, the “crap” reminds me that I can’t do anything without God. I can’t make anything work without Him, and I know it, but He is glad to remind me and I don’t want to forget.

God turns the crap into roses...like Crystal Lewis sings about in Beauty for Ashes. He takes what we mess up daily and makes it beautiful again. And the daily stuff of life is the constant reminder to us that we are supposed to lean on Him. Jesus wants us to lie at His feet asking for our ashes to be made beautiful. He wants us to need Him over and over and over again.

Galatians 3:3 Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?

Job 36:19 Would your wealth or even all your mighty efforts sustain you so you would not be in distress?

May we all find miraculous, unyielding glory in our biggest mistakes, our grandest failures, our most severe disappointments. May God teach us humility and reliance on Him. And most importantly, may we relish in the times that things do go the way we plan and give God the credit for each and every little thing that goes right in our lives and in the world.

Question: When have you tried to give your best, but it all fell apart? What was the lesson for you in that moment?

The All-important 1st Runner-Up

I have a confession to make.

I have been in pageants.

OK…I said it!

I was not in them for the “glamour” (glamour being a relative term), but for the scholarship money. So my focus really was on pageants such as Junior Miss and those that were the preliminaries to Miss America (Miss Elwood, Miss Ball State…hoping to get to Miss Indiana), which had great scholarship pay-outs as prizes.

Some of the “merits” of the pageant circuit, besides the blingy crown (….and don’t you go rolling your eyes…you know you always wanted one…just put the moose on the table, girlfriend!) were friendship, panel interviewing skills, poise, & talent development.

But wait…
There’s more!
The untold merits of the pageant circuit:
Nasty girl-fights (entertainment for those of us who find that kind of behavior utterly ridiculous!), cans of Aqua Net for solidifying the big hair (it was the late 80’s/early 90’s, after all), working with a Pageant Coach, a box of gleaming trophies that you've moved from house to house in adulthood...secretly considering an Oscar-like display on the mantle, dyed-to-match 3-inch heals to go with your one-piece, and spray adhesive to glue the buns of your one-piece down.

I learned some very important lessons from pageant participation.

However, I never was “The Queen”.

I was the all-important first-runner up in the event that the Queen could not fulfill her duties…
…except that never once was she not able to fulfill her duties.

(No pageant queen in history has ever not been able to fulfill her duties, I think. Well, except for Vanessa Williams, but let’s not go there!)

Interestingly, this has kind of been a theme throughout my life, this first-runner up thing.

Over and over I have had instances where I was good, but not good enough. Talented but not talented enough, funny but not funny enough, smart but not smart enough. I can think of countless examples, and many times that I was “just” passed over. For years it almost plagued me. Even today there is month after month where I am a high achiever, but not high enough.

After years of feeling like I am good at lots of things, but not the best at anything I was highly frustrated. Then one day it dawned on me and the first part of that sentence stuck and the last part kind of just faded away.

I am good at lots of things.

No, I am not “the best” at anything. I can think of tons of people that are better at every single aspect of life and all that is in it than I am…how humbling. But God, for some reason, made me at least decent at lots of stuff…how humbling that is, too…that He would allow me those gifts, even if my gifts seem sometimes much less gifted than the next girl’s.

Ya know what? I am not the 1st Runner-up in my husband’s eyes…I am his Queen, stretch marks and all…might not want to be caught dead even in a one-piece though, let alone the dyed-to match heels!

And ya know what else? I am not a 1st Runner-up in God’s eyes. I am His Queen, and so are you. There is room at the throne, His throne, for all of us. He doesn’t have to crown just one of us. There are Crown Jewels enough for all of us, there is Royal Inheritance for all of us. And our reward for following Him? A full-ride to the U of E (University of Eternity)…I’d rather have that kind of “scholarship” anyway!

And so now, so much older and more mature am I, it is OK to not be the Queen in the world’s view because I am the Queen in a way that really matters and so are you.
“Yet what is due me is in the Lord’s hand, and my reward is with my God." Isaiah 49:4
I am a Queen with two kings…my Earthly King, my husband…and my Heavenly King, my God. And I will always have a place of prominence in both of their kingdoms, this is the free gift they both give to me. And God has that free gift to give to you too, if you choose to accept it.

And anyway, my mother was right. She, being ever the spin-doctor, always told me that being a little good at a lot of stuff meant I was well-rounded. I like being well rounded. Besides, being a little good at a lot of stuff means that I can craft my own crown, grow and beautifully arrange my own victory bouquet, design my own gown (though I will have to pay someone else to sew it), write my own song for the talent portion, draw on my knowledge of current events to prep for the interview, do my own hair and make-up, and be nice enough to win Miss Congeniality to boot!

OK, well…gotta run. I heard the downloadable application for the preliminary to Mrs. America is now available on-line…

Question: When in your own life have you felt like the 1st Runner-up, like you just aren’t quite good enough? What has God taught you through that?