1. Don't light your grill if you think a raccoon has made it his winter home and is still in there...I'm just sayin'....
2. If your heels look like crumbling concrete, you owe it to society to get a pedicure. Do not wear sandals until you do!
3. Self-tanner can be a delicate thing, so proceed with extreme caution! If your legs come out the color of an orange Crayola, that is the signal that you've gone too far!
4. When choosing between Off and Channel No.5, one must go with the latter.
5. Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen! It is the cheapest, easiest, and most effective key to being a hot chick in the nursing home instead of looking like that lady in There's Something About Mary. Seriously.
6. If you've birthed twins, a one-piece might be a better option than a bikini... (I, of all people, can say this!)
7. Nair doesn’t actually work that well.
8. We no longer call “flip-flops” “thongs”. If you’re not sure why, you’ll have to call me. Not printing it here! Just promise me you won't refer to them that way...
9. When attending a summer soiree, it’s best to sip the umbrella-clad drink slowly and to avoid the potato salad unless it has been on ice.
10. I beg of thee not to wear flesh-colored hose with shorts. N.o.t. g.o.o.d.!!!
11. If you have giant tattoos of past boyfriends’ names, you may want to think twice before wearing that cute little dress with spaghetti straps from Loft!
12. Really only Daisy Duke was born to wear “Daisy Dukes”! (Help me out here, people…)
13. It’s time to get outside and get active when the Lifetime Television movie schedule is cycling back through for a second run.
14. Pluck early and often! Whether they’re jet black or shiny white, chin hairs show up plain as day in the glistening sunlight of baseball games or girlfriend time around the pool!
15. To the list of “Things to Shave”, please do add “the big toes”. Come on now, someone has to say it!
Happy Summer, Friends!
Question: What other rules can YOU think of? Please feel free to leave them as comments!
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