What’s the plan here, Dude?

Dear God,
Since you know the inner-most corners of my heart, I know that you realize that when I ask, “What’s the plan here, Dude?” that I don’t mean it to sound rude. Or flippant. Or mean. Or any of that stuff…it’s just that if I don’t interject a little sarcasm here, I’m gonna fall in a heap and cry. And I realize you know that.

This has been quite the stinky week, Lord, & I just need to vent for a minute. And I love that you’ll let me. Monday was one of the hardest days of my life as we put our beloved dog, my constant companion, to sleep. I know that you felt my sadness, Lord. I felt you grieving right along with me. And we knew we had no other choice if we were to do the selfless, best thing for her. But even though I knew both of those things, it didn’t make my hurt any less.

Later in the week, after having tried my absolute best in a situation, with the purest of intentions to help someone, that person misunderstood my intent and was filled with anger at me and spoke of that anger to me fervently. I forgive her…I realize that she has had a lifetime of hurt, of not being able to trust people, of apparently having to deal with people who had ulterior motives of malice. However, that’s not me, and what an awful experience it was to be on the receiving end of that! Lord, you know my heart, and you know what I was trying to do. Please forgive me for causing that person anguish, but you know the truth in that situation even if no one else does. Thank you for remembering the details some day when I stand before you.

So maybe the week was gonna take a turn for the best…or at least it was gonna end (since it is Saturday & all)…so why did I go check email? Darn it! Why did I? Only to find that something I’ve long been praying about is seemingly turning out with the exact opposite result of my prayers!! Gotta be honest, Lord…I’m angry, frustrated, and disappointed. I am really questioning the people in charge who made this decision…and since you can see the inner-most corners of my heart, you already know that I am questioning why You let this happen, so I might as well admit it. I will try to have an open mind. I will try to believe the best. I will try. But I feel defeated and deflated.

I kinda wanna yell at someone.
I kinda wanna yell at You.

But, I won’t…

I have a lot of questions about this. For starters, “What’s the plan here, Dude”? I know there is one…and I know you’ll reveal it when you’re good & ready. I know that You are always working for the good of those who love you, but I am going on serious blind trust here, Man, cause I am NOT seein’ it!

Somehow I will search for truth in this. Somehow I will emerge from this stinkpot stuff a better, stronger, more tenacious person. Somehow my character will become more defined, my values even stronger. Somehow, even though I don’t want to, I will trust that You have a plan and that it is good, really good. Even if I have to recite the Prayer of Jabez and Jeremiah 29:11 every single day, I will somehow learn to find the good in all of this.

So…
Here I start:

Thank you, God, for teaching me so much this week about how to trust you and your plans for me. Thank you for giving me so many opportunities to lean on you and to grow as a Christian and as a person. Thank you for providing me with many insights about others through the experiences that I have endured this week. You must be preparing me for something important, and I am grateful. Thank you for softening my heart to those who are cruel to me, for they only act out of their previous experience, and I forgive them for that. And finally, thank you for allowing me to question and to be real with you (after all, you see it in me anyway!). Lord, I am yours and you refine me well.
Amen.

(See, even as I type this I am feeling better, more compassionate…and the more I read that, the more I really, really feel it in my heart!)

Ok, I’m gonna be alright, but it’s possible that curling up to an evening of HGTV followed by a little shopping tomorrow would really seal the deal…

Question: Have you ever wondered what the heck the plan was?